Monthly Notes 💌 October

“Do you know how you live 300 years?”

Ah, October. My favorite month. Fall is such a lovely time for slow transitions and fresh beginnings (and most importantly, the start of the holiday season). I hope you’re all dusting off last-year’s sweater collection and making time for leaf-peeping!

October also happens to be my birthday month, so we’re getting extra existential in this month’s recap. Let’s get into it.

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💭 On the mind

Imagine this.

From today on, you are immortal. You will live from this second until the end of time, or until the moment you decide that you’re finally ready to die. In the meantime—you can’t get hurt, you won’t starve, and you don’t need sleep.

You also can’t be remembered by anyone other than yourself.

This is the basic plot of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, a V.E. Schwab fantasy novel about a girl who wants nothing more than to live life on her own terms. She makes an unwitting deal with the “darkness” for freedom and time in exchange for her soul.

Of course, her new life is not what she expected. She ends up with immortality but is no longer able to leave a mark on the world. She can’t write or draw or possess an object for longer than a day. More importantly, she is forgotten by others the moment she is out of sight. She can’t form connections or new relationships, or even rent an apartment or hold down a job.

She spends the next 300 years searching for ways to derive meaning from a life she is unable to move forward in.

If this all sounds familiar, that’s because it’s essentially a modern retelling of Albert Camus’ The Myth of Sisyphus.

Roll the boulder up.

Watch it roll down.

Rinse and repeat, for eternity.

Legacy is often seen as a way to feel like we somehow mattered long after we’re gone. It’s our attempt to outsmart death, to craft meaning out of our otherwise meaningless days.

After all, what are we except for the impressions we leave on others?

If you witness a beautiful sunset and don’t share it on social media, did you still see it?

If you spend hours cooking a delicious dinner and eat it alone, was it still worth it?

If you stay home all day drawing and then burn the final result, was that time spent justified?

If you can leave no mark, what does it mean to live?

Without a record of the past you can’t create progress. Without progress you can’t set goals for the future. You’d have no choice left other than to live exclusively in the present.

If you know me, you know that I’m a diligent planner, an introspective reflector, and a thorough documenter. I live most of my days in yesterdays and tomorrows, but rarely in todays. I identify with accomplishments and the tangible. The record of what I’ve created, what I’ve produced, what I’ve done. My goals are what drive me forward and get me out of bed every morning.

Since I was 23-years-old (coincidentally, the same age that Addie became immortal), I’ve committed to capturing a one second video of my life every day. Every birthday I compile the last year’s worth of clips into a single video and watch it back.

Some moments are big—but mostly, they are small. Mundane, forgettable. And somehow, over the years, these have become my favorite clips to look back on: eating leftovers at my dining room table, going for walks to get coffee, looking out the window on a sunny day.

It’s a grounding reminder that even if we stopped living for the future, we’d still go on living regardless.

“‘Do you know how you live 300 years?’ The same as you live one. A second at a time.”

—The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, V.E. Schwab

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✨ Highlights

• Alby and I attended New York Comic Con and it was my first time back at a fandom convention since pre-Covid. I loved every minute of it. Anime NYC in November is next up. 😀

• Preeti came to visit and convinced me to try the latest-and-greatest NYC spot à-la-TikTok, Popup Bagel, and OH MY GOD it’s incredible. If you’re in the area: run, don’t walk!

• I spent a weekend in Boston and got to make new friends and reconnect with old ones. There may have been some salsa lessons involved.

• I met my internet friend (hi En!) in person for the first time and we talked endlessly for hours. Social media has its faults but I’m so grateful for the connections it’s brought me over the years as a creator.

• I did Sleep No More for my birthday weekend and it blew my mind. It’s a choose-your-own-adventure-style theater performance and I’ve never experienced anything quite like it. I already can’t wait to go back.

• On my actual birthday I celebrated with a coveted reservation at Double Chicken Please (thanks to my keyboard warrior reflexes) and it absolutely lived up to (in fact, it exceeded) the hype. Get the key lime pie and the french toast, trust me.

• My college girlfriends and I usually do a trip together in the fall (a consequence of having three consecutive birthdays in October) and this year was Palm Springs. I’m still amazed that we manage to pull these off every year and I hope we never stop.

🐒 Stuff I Made

🎧 Reading, watching, listening

• Summer Strike: Just finished this and it was pleasant enough. I’d recommend it to anyone who wants a light drama with a bit of mystery thrown in.

• The Mountain is You: Finally started this as an audiobook and I’m writing notes every 30 seconds. Don’t be surprised if November’s newsletter involves some level of reflection around self sabotage. 😬

🍃 Little joys

• During my week back home I spent each afternoon taking our family’s new puppy out for a walk in the neighborhood. The slow pace of the suburbs can be healing sometimes.

• Watching the leaves change outside my window over the last few weeks 🍂

• Finally putting up shelves on the wall in our apartment!

• Handing out candy on Halloween and keeping the traditions that I experienced as a kid going for the younger generation 🥹

Until next time,

Wes